Literally the Man of My Dreams... What Does It Mean?

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Literally the Man of My Dreams... What Does It Mean?

Postby teacup2312 » Mon Nov 13, 2017 5:38 am

Here's the back story. When I was 18 I joined the military. Straight out of boot camp, at my training school, I met this guy (Jason). We fell completely head over heels in love (lust) and very quickly became engaged. We were young and dumb and ultimately ended up with a bad breakup. 8 years later, we found each other online. We were both married. Nonetheless, neither of us had let the other one go. We're still miserably in love with each other. I say miserably because we can't be together. He is still married (not happily but comitted because of the kids) and I got divorced a few years ago because my ex husband was abusive. Since my divorce, I refused to move on with my life because I was afraid that as soon as I found a relationship or got married, he would become available. Then about 8 months ago, I took a leap of faith, knowing I would have to completely let Jason go and leave him in the past, and started dating a guy (Dustin) that has been one of my very best friends for the past several years. In October we got engaged. It's still very hard on my heart but I am trying to move forward with Dustin. I love Dustin. I don't feel the same about him as I do about Jason but I love him, and he is so good to me. Which is something I have never experienced/accepted with anyone else until now. So I'm marrying him.

Last night I had a dream about Jason. It seemed to last all night long. In the dream, he was still married to his wife but in the first part of the dream, his wife wasn't around. We were at Jason's mother's house (his mother never liked me by the way). We were in her kitchen. The walls were a sandy texture and were royal blue and I was commenting to her that I have the same exact sandy textured royal blue walls in my kitchen as she does. I don't remember her talking to me but she wasn't rude or mean to me and she wasn't nice. She just was- like she just existed in that moment. She knew Jason and I were together. So Jason told her we'd see her later and we left. Jason and I snuck off and were walking to some place like a little storage room inside of a barn so we could be together. While we were walking I kept coming upon cliffs. I would look down, scared that I was going to fall. I could see small rocks start to slide and fall as I stepped but Jason would just keep a hold of my hand and keep me walking so I never fell. We got to the barn and the storage room (An empty concrete room with a concrete bench and a metal sliding door). Spent the whole day just being together, holding each other and talking and ultimately, we made love. We didn't just have sex. We made love. Holding each other and crying because we couldn't be together. When we left, and we're headed back to wherever, I would walk near a cliff again and Jason would just pull me back from it and keep walking. That happened so many times throughout the dream. One time, he had my hand and had pulled me away from the edge of a cliff and his wife had walked around the corner from some little boutique shops and saw him leading me by the hand. He introduced me to her as his friend. I recognized her and knew who she was but she doesn't know anything about me so in the dream he introduced us. I was kind to her and shook her hand. I felt bad that I was misleading her, felt sorry for her, and felt sorry that I was the one that was doing it (if that makes any sense.) Then all three of us kind of hung out. We went into the little boutique shops. She and I walked along side by side making small talk like new acquaintances would while Jason fell in behind us, looking at some things on his own. I would glance back at him and he would look back at me but no thoughts or motives were exchanged in the glances. From there it turned into the next day. We were walking to the barn again. We were in the storage room just as before. We had just finished making love. Jason had just put his underwear on and I was pulling my pants up when his wife slid the door open. She was calm as if nothing was going on although it was obvious what had just happened. Jason asked what she was doing there. She walked over to me and I started crying and apologizing. She put her hands on my shoulders and hugged me. She says she knew what was going on and that she had known for the past few days. She said it was ok. That she knows how much he loves me and how much I love him and that us being apart is torture. She hugged me as I cried on her shoulder. She said we could be together now. Nothing else was said but we all knew and accepted the fact that she and I would both be in his life. We would all three be a family. Like he would have 2 wives. Then my dream changed.

Anytime I dream of him, it's extremely emotional both in the dream and when I wake up. There are times in real life where I just miss him and then there are times when I miss him so much my whole body aches in emptiness. Those are the times when I know he is missing me badly too. It's like we can feel each other missing each other. We always say "I've been missing you sick." That's really the only time we contact each other and we only do it by text while he's at work. When we miss each other to the point that we're almost sick and we have to make some sort of solid contact. It's like a depression. We pull away from everyone and every thing until one person or the other makes contact. That's how it is now. I miss him sick.

I just want to know what the dream means. Maybe knowing what it means will help me move on or tell me to whatever it is that I need to know.
teacup2312
 
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Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2017 4:59 am

Re: Literally the Man of My Dreams... What Does It Mean?

Postby Athanor » Mon Nov 13, 2017 11:10 pm

It’s great that you’ve described a lot about your strong, albeit generally disruptive relationship with Jason as well as your feelings for Dustin. This and the other background information you’ve provided makes it more likely that a better interpretation is possible. However, it’s best in the very difficult situation that you’ve outlined that the following ideas are looked at as being only some very general approaches to what your dream could mean because, for example, it’s always better to have the dreamer’s spontaneous memories, thoughts and feelings about every image and event in a dream.

To start off, while it might be a little hard to understand at first, the image of Jason, his mother and wife in the dream probably mostly symbolize parts of your own personality. For example, the image of a guy in the dreams of a girl usually somehow represents the state of her so-called “masculine” side, that is, traits she may potentially benefit from as linked to “mind”, thinking, judgement-making, being assertive, target-orientated, and determined, as well as in showing initiative and clear thinking etc.

This “inner man” is built up from experiences during childhood related to a woman’s father, brothers, male members of the extended family, teachers, clergy, politicians, movie stars and other male figures. The woman’s inner image of a man strongly affects the choice of a mate. In the same way, an “inner woman” in a man is formed from equivalent experiences of women while growing up.

Unfortunately, there’s been a problem a couple of times already where relationships have ended very badly for you, and Jason is in an unhappy marriage at this time. Both of you have been saying “I’ve been missing you sick” quite a lot even though Jason is married. But this sort of strong compulsion to want to be with one another might not be as “romantic” as you believe. That’s because, as unromantic as it sounds, Nature can cause us to fall in love with the worst parts of ourselves, as it were, in order to bring about the “shipwreck” of a relationship so that we’ll be forced to figure out what went wrong and to work at improving any negative underlying situation. Doing so can result in being able to move forward in a more effective and productive way over time, leading to at least some good enough contentment amid the various challenges that life can throw at us.

But figuring things out in such situations is usually almost impossible for a person to do on her or his own, needing instead some kind of good quality external help to unravel what’s going on. But a few clues about your underlying state of affairs seem to appear in your dream. For example, you and Jason’s mother find out you both have the same sandy textured royal blue kitchen walls. This suggests that Jason’s inner woman has certain parts of herself that are just like you in some way, partly causing Jason to be attracted to you. You can try focusing on the image of the walls in the dream and then write down every spontaneous memories, thoughts and feelings come to mind. By sifting through what emerges, a clue about a trait or two that you share with Jason’s mother should hopefully appear, and this also might provide an idea about why his mother never liked you. In addition, it could be a central reason why Jason continues to want to be with you.

Something emphasized by the dream is that many times Jason keeps you from falling over the dangerous cliffs, maybe suggesting that you “cling” to some characteristic of Jason’s which will “protect” you instead of basically depending on your own resources deep down.

So the idea is maybe that unfortunately, neither of you has become consciously aware enough as yet of certain traits of character inside yourselves in order to make them available for practical use. If so, you both instead depend on “someone else” to “do all the work” in certain circumstances which in the end won’t work, even ending up in the break-up of relationships, partly from expectations about the other person being way too high and which therefore can’t be fulfilled.

So maybe the dream pictures this poor situation in the image of you two making love in “an empty concrete room with a concrete bench and a metal sliding door”, not very romantic to say the least although you don’t notice this fact in the dream (e.g. you see only a romantic and sad making of love in the barren location).

Seen from the point of view of someone on the outside, the next parts of your dream (where you meet Jason’s wife who in the end agrees to share Jason with you as a second wife) unfortunately tend to look a little too much like a neat soap-opera-like “solution” to your problem. The picturing of the situation in this way by your dream could possibly be its way of showing that you’re not really approaching this very complicated situation (which includes Dustin in real life) in a realistic enough way overall. The problem is that wishing everything will be all right could be your chief way of coping and this might potentially end badly. For instance, it’s known that even if a serious secret of some kind is very carefully guarded, it will poison the atmosphere of a family over time, causing all sorts of problems. So if you married Justin while keeping the secret of carrying such a strongly burning torch for Justin, sadly, chances are in my view that somehow, things wouldn’t tend to go very well in the long run.

Anyway, without knowing anything all that much about you and Jason, this way of looking at your important dream might not fit your personal circumstances very well, but I hope that these ideas can be helpful in some way.

Please make any comments or ask any questions about this interpretation that you’d like to.
Athanor
 
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Re: Literally the Man of My Dreams... What Does It Mean?

Postby teacup2312 » Tue Nov 14, 2017 11:29 am

Wow! That actually makes a lot of sense! Also confirms inner feelings about the situation with Jason such as if we were to get back together, would we really be happy. I question things a lot. I'm always trying to make the right decision. Dustin is the only right decision, relationship wise, that I've made so far. When I take Jason completely out of the picture and evaluate my relationship with Dustin, it's almost perfect. But then thoughts of Jason, and dreams especially, completely throw me into a whirlwind of emotion. I question my intuition when that happens because I feel conflicting emotions.

Your insight definitely provided me with the clarity I needed. It wouldn't be fair to Dustin for me to continue on with him and still have overwhelming feelings for Jason which is also something I struggled with. It's definitely different from an outsiders point of view! I feel like I can finally move forward with Dustin and hold Jason as a fond memory of my past.

I truly cannot express to you how much this has helped me! I'm so very grateful!

Would you happen to have any insight on how to improve on connecting with and trusting my intuition? I'm completely open to comments, suggestions, and discussions with you or anyone else!

Thanks again!
teacup2312
 
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Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2017 4:59 am

Re: Literally the Man of My Dreams... What Does It Mean?

Postby Athanor » Wed Nov 15, 2017 8:27 pm

I’m glad that my reply helped you out and it looks like you just need some more work on how to trust what appears to be a kind of dual partnership within which consists of your intuition along with how you value and feel about it. Maybe you could try thinking back to some important decision you made about what to do and which turned out really OK. Maybe a clear intuition appeared at the time, taking the form of a deep “knowing” about what was right, or maybe a memory or other image appeared in your mind about an earlier situation which had worked out well. Along with this type of thing there was probably also a kind of calm, valuing feeling that supported the intuition. This is linked to deeper feelings of self-worth overall. In contrast, the stirred up emotions you feel when thinking about Jason and which spoil your confidence in any intuition probably relate, as mentioned, to a part of yourself which is as yet undeveloped and therefore “emotional”, coming and going on its own and causing doubts and strong impulses.

As a very general example, maybe Justin thinks and makes decisions quickly and easily in certain situations, possibly related mostly to non-relationship matters. If so, you might find this somehow fascinating and attractive because in contrast, you often question various things and are always trying to make the right decision. The latter might happen because there could tend to be a semi-conscious stream of thoughts and opinions which counteract your more reliable intuition and valuing side. This is very natural because such opinions etc. seem to be the real “you” and are very sure of themselves, as it were. For instance, many women might have an opinion come to mind about a prospective partner something like “He could be an alcoholic but I can change all that” etc. etc.

So the problem is that even though you feel at this time that you can move forward and just hold Jason as a fond memory, it could be possible that until you build up some more thinking skills of your own, strong emotions might continue to appear about Jason or someone else who might come along and who is in some basic way like him. Although it might sound a little unusual, one useful way to help prevent this would be to catch yourself every time a thought comes into your mind which seems especially firm and sure of itself (along the lines of “Everybody knows you’re right so just go ahead” etc.). Then, you would actually say to it something like “You’re not me and I don’t really believe what you just said”. The idea is that any opinion or conclusion etc. should be based on real evidence that’s been sifted through and that’s personally relevant to you as an individual, and not just what “everybody says this is the right thing to do” or that “everybody knows such-and-such” etc. etc.

Anyway, I hope these additional ideas can be helpful and please don’t hesitate to ask any other questions you might have.
Athanor
 
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Joined: Wed Oct 26, 2016 12:08 am

Re: Literally the Man of My Dreams... What Does It Mean?

Postby teacup2312 » Sat Nov 18, 2017 8:54 am

Valuable insight and recommendations! Thank you so much!
teacup2312
 
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Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2017 4:59 am


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